Stress part2

I felt the need to post this too. I was lying on the floor in Fal's room, having an internal meltdown.
Fal has been becoming more defiant lately, but she really made me crazy today. After I asked her, for maybe the 6th time not to touch the wet paint on the walls.. She drags her toes across the wall and leaves huge streaks. I tell her (not so nicely) to get away from me, and go watch tv. A minute later, I hear Kylan. Yep, Fal went and woke her up. (increasing the stress I had already been feeling) I put Fal in time out, and Kylan comes with me. This begins a 30+ minute screaming fit, Fal feels the need to throw. This also cues, my fight or flight instinct. I almost always pick flight when it comes to stress. I give up, lay on the floor, and feel defeated. I can't speak anymore. I lay there listening to my breathing, feeling panicked, feeling hurt, but mostly feeling like a bad mom, a bad wife. I am picturing the mess from lunch downstairs still waiting for me to pick it up. I think of the green paint, already poured waiting to be applied to the walls, the dinner that hasn't been started. Then I picture David, coming home to find a wife who hasn't done anything but give up on parenting today, because I have reached my breaking point.
Stress always beats me. I used to have anxiety attacks, bad ones, and when my body couldnt handle them anymore, I started passing out from stress.. That's how I feel today. I feel beaten down, and ashamed. I let my body win again. Fal's asleep, it's silent in my head finally, and all I can think about, is blogging. It seems to be my only form of stress relief these days. :/