Stress part2

I felt the need to post this too. I was lying on the floor in Fal's room, having an internal meltdown.
Fal has been becoming more defiant lately, but she really made me crazy today. After I asked her, for maybe the 6th time not to touch the wet paint on the walls.. She drags her toes across the wall and leaves huge streaks. I tell her (not so nicely) to get away from me, and go watch tv. A minute later, I hear Kylan. Yep, Fal went and woke her up. (increasing the stress I had already been feeling) I put Fal in time out, and Kylan comes with me. This begins a 30+ minute screaming fit, Fal feels the need to throw. This also cues, my fight or flight instinct. I almost always pick flight when it comes to stress. I give up, lay on the floor, and feel defeated. I can't speak anymore. I lay there listening to my breathing, feeling panicked, feeling hurt, but mostly feeling like a bad mom, a bad wife. I am picturing the mess from lunch downstairs still waiting for me to pick it up. I think of the green paint, already poured waiting to be applied to the walls, the dinner that hasn't been started. Then I picture David, coming home to find a wife who hasn't done anything but give up on parenting today, because I have reached my breaking point.
Stress always beats me. I used to have anxiety attacks, bad ones, and when my body couldnt handle them anymore, I started passing out from stress.. That's how I feel today. I feel beaten down, and ashamed. I let my body win again. Fal's asleep, it's silent in my head finally, and all I can think about, is blogging. It seems to be my only form of stress relief these days. :/

Painting!!

At precisely 8:30 am, this morning I was woken up by Falynn screaming "Hands!! HANDS!!!Hands::".. She really hates to be messy. I open my eyes to this.

Of course, I am still half asleep and panicing, wondering what she destroyed this morning while I was dreaming away.
I was upset, as I raced upstairs to where the paint was stored. Of course, her wall looks like this...I am annoyed that I have to repaint that area now. But mostly, I am impressed at how incredibely smart my 2 year old. She is a schemer, she snuck past where I was sleeping, without waking me up, and plotted out what she was going to do. Theres atleast a half hour worth of painting there. Then she came back downstairs and woke me up. She is something else, and thats saying it nicely. :)

A day in the life of me.

As I write this, Kylan is eating some random packaging, and Fal is licking the label off of a woolie wash package. :)

I get to wake up next to these beauties everyday. I love co-sleeping.
 A little effort goes a long way, Falynn finds the lollipops.

  When you can't find chapstick, a glue stick is the next best thing.
 Who needs a dog, when you have a baby sister

 Time-Out!

Making some indescribely good cooked air.

 There are times that she is quiet, and it isn't because she is doing something naughty.

Lunch!

 More Play time.

 Movie Time. Today we watched Rio.

 And then there are times when she is quiet, and it is because she is doing something naughty.

 Falynn's eating a burger, and Kylan is eating giraffe.

Bed time, will follow soon on a good day.

There is lots of laughing, snuggling, and occasional yelling thrown in. Its hard to keep prespective and not let the day stress me out, when I am going through it. Falynn is potty training, and Kylan is fast. I can barely keep up with them and my housework, but at the end of the day, I am blessed beyond belief. God would never give me something I couldn't handle, and I try to remind myself that throughout the day. I love my children, and I love my job. I am so thankful and proud of how hard my husband works, to provide the life he does for our family. I couldnt imagine having to leave my babies everyday and miss all the quirky fun stuff that goes on during the day. I wouldn't just miss them, I would miss them growing up and growing into who they are meant to be. My children don't need the newest things, and I don't need anymore than what I have.

I have slowly been coming to the realization that I already have more than I need. I am trying to simplify my life, and my material possessions, so that I may truely enjoy what I have. I have been blessed and I hope I can set a good example for my daughters, on how to be a mom, a wife, and a loving person.

August 18th

Today we painted outside. I truely love watching Falynn. She always amazes me with how much she knows and how creative she is. I tend to underestimate her because she is still slow to speak. She has a huge imagination and she has an even bigger personality. Geez, I love her!!
We painted layer after layer on the canvases, and and even a couple layers on ourselves. Painting wouldnt be as fun, if you had to be neat. This is how they came out. I love them, mostly because Falynn did them, with a little bit of help from me.

I just had to put this last picture in here, because I finally mastered a back carry by myself. I am so happy!! Now Kylan does have to whimper at my pant legs, as I'm doing my chores. I always feel so bad, but she senses I'm in the middle of something, and needs me that instant. Ugh!! Now we can do our womenly jobs together. lol

Now that Fal is 2...

She can open doors, quite easily. We found this out one morning, when she not only put her shoes on, and let herself out the front door, but she closed it behind her. Not being able to find her was rediculously scary. We ran out and bought door knob locks ASAP.. We only bought enough for the doors that led to the outside world, Big mistake.
This morning while I was washing dishes, I found Falynn in our pantry, usually not a big deal.. Today she decided to sample the food coloring dyes.

TA-DAAA!!

Geez, I love her, but she keeps my insanely busy!

My Relaxing Bath

Im cold, so I decide to take a bath. I tell David, you watch Fal, Ill keep Kylan upstairs. Just dont let Fally upstairs. I start the bath, I get in. Just as I do, Falynn, who figured out doorknobs, comes prancing in. "Tub"... "Not for babies, its too hot".. She tries to turn the cold water on. I try to outsmart her, I tell her to go downstairs and get a lollipop, from Daddy.. She leaves, I am feeling rather smug.. My plan worked..
"Surprise!" Falynn says as she runs back in butt-naked with a towel.. Apparantly, my 2 year old is smarter than me.
I spend the next 10 minutes fighting with her, to keep her out of the hot tub. I spend the next 5 minutes as her island in the tub, because she climbed in and realized I was right, the water is far too hot for babies... The last 10 of my tub, I spend yelling downstairs for David, to come get her, because even though the tub is too hot, she refuses to climb out. I, then drain the tub, and return to my sweats.
Fal's eating a lollipop, and I am stressed out. Hah!